my IVF journey #1

the story so far

So I sit here writing this on the day of my IVF booking appointment. All the tests are done the money is paid and now we get to find out about timings and order drugs. It has given me butterflies in my tummy just thinking about it. I wonder how did we end up here? Making a baby at a clinic that sits on basically a motorway exit, definitely not romantic and definitely not like last time.

My husband and I met when I was 22 and he was 27 in December 2010 and from then on we had a cookie cutter even year life:

2010 met

2012 moved in

2014 got engaged

2016 got married

2018 had a baby boy

And the last part - having a baby boy, it happened without much planning or thought about 3months after I stopped contraception.

My son is now 7 and we don’t have a second child.

I got my contraception removed again in 2020 and I just assumed I would fall pregnant instantaneously like I did the 1st time. I actually did get 2 positive pregnancy tests in the June and the September that year, but my period came just days later. By the December I was exhausted and confused so we decided to have some fertility tests. They came back normal and the consultant said it was his professional opinion there was a 50% chance of us getting pregnant the following year according to statistics.

We didn’t

And we never have a again.

I was always very wary of IVF. I have a friend who under a completely different set of circumstances to us has had a very difficult time with IVF and it had put me off. Also because we had a child we were not eligible to get any treatment on the NHS so we would have to foot the bill privately.

I decided that I had had enough focusing on getting pregnant and after a 2nd round of tests in December 2023 we were informed it was very unlikely that we would fall pregnant naturally. At that point we decided to move on with our lives and make peace with the fact a 2nd child was not on the cards for us. And I was fine with that.....till I wasn’t.

I just didn’t feel good, but I couldn’t really put my finger on it. I did everything that people tell you to do when you don’t feel good, I started looking after myself properly. I started regularly exercising, I paid more attention to what I was eating, I read more and I tried some new hobbies. But by May last year time I realised I really wasn’t feeling great so I took the plunge and signed up for a block of free counselling provided by my employer.

That was life changing. I didn’t realise how much I was bottling things up, how much I was struggling with my emotions, just how I hadn’t come to terms with not having a 2nd child. After a block of counselling and some in-depth heart to hearts with my husband we decided to properly pursue IVF. But I still just wasn’t quite ready at that point which was in September 2024.

I gave myself some time to try and lose as much weight as I could as I knew that could only have a positive effect on our outcomes. And to be honest I was using the weight loss as an excuse to push the IVF problem into the future so I didn’t have to think about it.

But time moved on as it always does and so we find ourselves at our booking appointment for IVF and it is definitely happening.

I feel very fortunate to have an amazing and supportive husband, just the most amazing son who really and truly is the light of my life and for having the opportunity to try IVF.

I have decided to document the journey. Mostly for myself to help me process everything (along with my therapist who I am still seeing, it has been the best investment in myself that I have ever made). But I have decided to be vulnerable and share the journey here as if there is anything I can do to let other women out there know that they are not alone and despite what the media says many of us struggle to get to pregnant no matter how hard we try and how much we want it.

So here we go......the journey begins.

And please share this with anyone else going through infertility or IVF who might find my story helpful.